First of all, apologies for not posting a Brock Log for a while.
I would love to say there has been a neat, organised reason for the silence, but the truth is more human than that. Life has been a bit noisy lately. My brain has been louder than usual, my body has had opinions of its own, and the blog slipped into that awkward corner of the mind labelled "I will definitely do that tomorrow."
Living with what I strongly suspect is undiagnosed ADHD has been a strange experience. It explains a lot, but without the official label it can still feel like standing outside a locked room holding half a key. Add FND into the mix and everything gets amplified. The tiredness, the overwhelm, the stop-start focus, the good intentions that somehow vanish between thinking about doing something and actually doing it.
"Sometimes the hardest part is not the doing. It is getting your brain and body to agree on the same day."
The Capybara Situation
On a much brighter note, I visited Cupar Deer Farm and, yes, there were capybaras involved.
I am beginning to think capybaras might be the emotional support animal of the internet for a reason. They have this incredible ability to look completely unbothered by existence. No drama. No overthinking. Just standing there, being oddly majestic, like a furry boulder with excellent boundaries.
There is something genuinely calming about watching an animal that seems to have mastered the art of not spiralling. I could probably learn a thing or two from them.
Wild Swimming
I have also somehow picked up wild swimming as a new hobby.
Is this an ADHD thing? Quite possibly. One minute you are thinking, "That looks refreshing," and the next you are standing in cold water wondering whether your life choices have been brave, questionable, or both.
That said, there is something about it that works for me. The cold is immediate. It cuts through the mental noise. For a few minutes, your brain cannot spin through fifty different tabs because your entire body is busy shouting, "This is cold!" Weirdly, that feels peaceful.
University Is Nearly Here
The big thing on the horizon is university, which starts at the beginning of next month.
I am genuinely looking forward to the challenge. There are nerves, of course. I would be lying if I said there were not. Starting university at this stage of life, with dyslexia, FND, possible ADHD and a head full of "what ifs", is not exactly the easy route.
But I also think that is part of why I want to do it. I have spent a long time assuming certain rooms were not for people like me. Now I am walking into one anyway, probably with too many notebooks, a half-charged laptop, and a brain that will either hyperfocus beautifully or forget why I opened the browser.
Either way, I am ready for the challenge.
Still Here
So that is where things are. A bit messy, a bit hopeful, slightly cold from the swimming, still thinking about capybaras, and trying to give myself a bit of grace when the blog goes quiet.
I cannot promise perfect consistency. My brain does not appear to have subscribed to that package. But I can promise I am still here, still trying, and still planning to write honestly about all of it.
Until next time, look after yourselves, and if in doubt, channel the capybara. Calm face. Tiny ears. Absolute legend.